Ahem:
I have always been the same person. I'm generally always late. I don't wash my hair everyday. I don't always say how I feel. I am not rude or hateful. I always try to make people laugh. I am stubborn. I don't like confrontation and never have. I don't like to be yelled at because if you tell me once to do something, I'll do it. I respect authority, I don't question it unless I HAVE to. I like to be liked. I don't like to lie, I have a VERY guilty conscious and will eventually tell the truth whether it gets me in trouble or not. I'm spontaneous. I try my best. Most times I work very, very hard (I say most because there are always days when the desire to work or be at work is just not there). I like to drink but not too much. I like to be the sober driver because I like making sure my life is handled by me, not in the hands of someone else. I try to depend on myself whenever I can because people are NOT reliable. I am reliable. I will be the bad guy as long as it means I'm honest. I give credit where credit is due.
All of this said, people that have known me for a long time don't need to question "the person I have become". I have not changed. I have become a little less patient with people as a population but not to the people I work closely with, the people I love, or the people I respect. This I believe is my only change in life. I still like to be liked. I still am all of these things I have listed above. I have changed my ambitions but what PERSON doesn't? Some people have always known what they want to be; most people don', and I am one of those people.
My patience is starting to wear thin with a lot of things and people I surround myself with. I am a generally happy person. Lately, you would never know. I am the type of person that will at the drop of a hat cover someone else's butt and throw mine to the wolves. I will but myself in front of a jury if I put you there, too. I don't make excuses, I don't believe in them. They're like assholes - we all have them and they all stink.
Don't beat around the bush with me. Don't lie to me to spare my feelings. Don't be indirect with me - if you want to say something, say it. I don't stand for crappy behavior in people (thanks, Lonesome Dove, for my modified quote).
I love my life. I don't think I am a bad person. I just want to be totally happy, totally financially stable, totally independent, totally in charge of me and my own. I have finally gotten to a breaking point and am frustrated I let somethings turn out the way they have.
The good news with all of this is that I have finally found what I want. I have finally discovered what will make me happy. While sometimes I lack discipline with school, I have found what it will take from me to get on track and succeed. I have found a direction to where I want to go and a back up plan I am determined to reach at some point in my life, either way. I have found the man I want to marry. I have direction. I have an ideal life. I'm going to get there!
I said good day :)
Wednesday, August 17
Wednesday, August 10
What Really Grinds My Gears
You know what really grinds my gears:
-When people call my job and immediately say "I need to make an appointment"... Ok great I need one million dollars. Plus, I'm not telepathic; I need info. folks. What service, what technician, what day, what time. If there is a problem, at least I know technician and what to book out for.
-When Netflix tells me there is an error code 300... What is that? Doesn't Netflix know that is not convenient for me when I have seasons of Grey's to watch?
-Not hearing from my own mother for months... Awesome.
-That the Houston, Texas sun is so unbelievably hot that it is miserable to go outside almost ALL the time.
-When I have to spend more money than I actually have in my bank account!
-That my poor puppy is on her girl dog cycle!!
-When I see people I am friends with on Facebook out in the world and we do not talk or smile or wave... As soon as we're on the computer, though, we're acquaintances if not BFF's.
-Caffeine headaches.
-When great songs on CD's turn into over played songs on the radio.
-I rarely ever cook, but when I do don't criticize my cooking. It's good, so eat!
-When I get in trouble for EVERYTHING that happens at work.
-Gas prices.
-Our President... Not going there, though.
-When I forget laundry in the washing machine and it starts to smell like mildew. Gross. Then I have to rewash. Gross.
-Waking up too early.
-Not having coffee in the mornings.
-Jeff's motorcycle.
And that is what grinds my gears...♥
-When people call my job and immediately say "I need to make an appointment"... Ok great I need one million dollars. Plus, I'm not telepathic; I need info. folks. What service, what technician, what day, what time. If there is a problem, at least I know technician and what to book out for.
-When Netflix tells me there is an error code 300... What is that? Doesn't Netflix know that is not convenient for me when I have seasons of Grey's to watch?
-Not hearing from my own mother for months... Awesome.
-That the Houston, Texas sun is so unbelievably hot that it is miserable to go outside almost ALL the time.
-When I have to spend more money than I actually have in my bank account!
-That my poor puppy is on her girl dog cycle!!
-When I see people I am friends with on Facebook out in the world and we do not talk or smile or wave... As soon as we're on the computer, though, we're acquaintances if not BFF's.
-Caffeine headaches.
-When great songs on CD's turn into over played songs on the radio.
-I rarely ever cook, but when I do don't criticize my cooking. It's good, so eat!
-When I get in trouble for EVERYTHING that happens at work.
-Gas prices.
-Our President... Not going there, though.
-When I forget laundry in the washing machine and it starts to smell like mildew. Gross. Then I have to rewash. Gross.
-Waking up too early.
-Not having coffee in the mornings.
-Jeff's motorcycle.
And that is what grinds my gears...♥
Monday, July 11
Life: Updated!
Relationship:
Jeffrey and I broke up for a month. We didn't speak, then we were friends, then we couldn't be friends. It did at one point get ugly and some ugly things were said. One Sunday, he lets me know out of the blue that he couldn't live without me and he was going to work on anything I needed from him. Since then, we have been better than ever. What little spats we get into, they are talked about and dissolved quickly; I am more open about my feelings up front and he is too; he has been really there for me and what I have needed all along. Definitely maybe something we both needed to do for each other.
Work:
Work has been ok. I have worked A LOT in the past few months. I work every weekend and even the weekends I am supposed to have off I usually switch with someone because they NEED the weekend off whereas I know unless I have pre-set plans, I will be home laying on the couch ALL day.
School:
I start Summer 2 tomorrow. Only a speech class but it's something. Looking forward to being done after Fall and going either to Sam or UH. I was really hoping to go to Sam but those details will soon follow.
Friends:
Cassie and I have had a lot of fun together in the past few months. We are planning a road trip to Huntsville one Sunday and a road trip to the river soon, maybe on just a Sunday, too! Cara was in the hospital for a month. She went in on a Saturday early, early morning with flu-like symptoms. After chest x-rays and oxygen, they admitted her with a severe pneumonia. From Pasadena's Bayshore Hospital they transported her to the Methodist Hospital downtown. They had her in an induced coma for a few weeks while they ran every test and had her on a ventilator and oxygen. A month later with steroids, she was gradually getting better to the point she was able to go home. She is finishing recovery at home. Garrett is doing fireman academy and finishing his BA with Lamar. He has only nine hours with Lamar and until October with the academy training. I am reallllly proud of him lately with his loyalty and dedication to his schooling. Jessyka and Devin and my sweet baby Claire seem to be doing fine! Devin is back with the PD, Jessyka is still working hard (like always) and Claire is already six months old :) I miss them, tremendously! My old pal, Jeffrey Ross, also, got married today! He is expecting a baby in September to his sweet wife, Imparo.
Life in general has been really fantastic. I was down for a while when Jeff and I broke up because something so seemingly permanent was gone. Now, I still see my future with him. We have talked about marriage and children more now than we probably ever have. I am not banking on marriage any time in the immediate future but probably in the next few years. Time apart has given me some perspective in a sense as to when I really want to get married and the things I want to do beforehand.
Tonight, I'm sitting up doing homework, watching The Exorcist, and listening to Cassie Nicole snore on my couch. I am off tomorrow and will be spending the day at the beach with my bestie, after my 7:30am class. I am very thankful for my life and my blessings. I'm thankful I have the opportunity to have a social life, a good home life, a good school life, a good work life.
Jeffrey and I broke up for a month. We didn't speak, then we were friends, then we couldn't be friends. It did at one point get ugly and some ugly things were said. One Sunday, he lets me know out of the blue that he couldn't live without me and he was going to work on anything I needed from him. Since then, we have been better than ever. What little spats we get into, they are talked about and dissolved quickly; I am more open about my feelings up front and he is too; he has been really there for me and what I have needed all along. Definitely maybe something we both needed to do for each other.
Work:
Work has been ok. I have worked A LOT in the past few months. I work every weekend and even the weekends I am supposed to have off I usually switch with someone because they NEED the weekend off whereas I know unless I have pre-set plans, I will be home laying on the couch ALL day.
School:
I start Summer 2 tomorrow. Only a speech class but it's something. Looking forward to being done after Fall and going either to Sam or UH. I was really hoping to go to Sam but those details will soon follow.
Friends:
Cassie and I have had a lot of fun together in the past few months. We are planning a road trip to Huntsville one Sunday and a road trip to the river soon, maybe on just a Sunday, too! Cara was in the hospital for a month. She went in on a Saturday early, early morning with flu-like symptoms. After chest x-rays and oxygen, they admitted her with a severe pneumonia. From Pasadena's Bayshore Hospital they transported her to the Methodist Hospital downtown. They had her in an induced coma for a few weeks while they ran every test and had her on a ventilator and oxygen. A month later with steroids, she was gradually getting better to the point she was able to go home. She is finishing recovery at home. Garrett is doing fireman academy and finishing his BA with Lamar. He has only nine hours with Lamar and until October with the academy training. I am reallllly proud of him lately with his loyalty and dedication to his schooling. Jessyka and Devin and my sweet baby Claire seem to be doing fine! Devin is back with the PD, Jessyka is still working hard (like always) and Claire is already six months old :) I miss them, tremendously! My old pal, Jeffrey Ross, also, got married today! He is expecting a baby in September to his sweet wife, Imparo.
Life in general has been really fantastic. I was down for a while when Jeff and I broke up because something so seemingly permanent was gone. Now, I still see my future with him. We have talked about marriage and children more now than we probably ever have. I am not banking on marriage any time in the immediate future but probably in the next few years. Time apart has given me some perspective in a sense as to when I really want to get married and the things I want to do beforehand.
Tonight, I'm sitting up doing homework, watching The Exorcist, and listening to Cassie Nicole snore on my couch. I am off tomorrow and will be spending the day at the beach with my bestie, after my 7:30am class. I am very thankful for my life and my blessings. I'm thankful I have the opportunity to have a social life, a good home life, a good school life, a good work life.
Saturday, May 28
Fact...
Fact1: I LOVE orange juice. Currently have one right now.
Fact2: Chris Young's "Tomorrow" is a FANTASTIC break up song.
Fact3: I am in fact single.
Fact4: Mother Nature and becoming single is a horrible combination.
Fact5: I started 'Lie To Me' last week and absolutely love that show. I have been reading body language like CRAZY lately. Pretty good at it, too.
Fact6: When I am sad or have a lot on my mind, I take a lot of really hot baths. I have taken at least an hour bath every night this week. Sunday was close to a two hour bath.
Fact7: I LOVE the movie 'Something Borrowed'. Love it. I have seen it three times in theaters!
Fact8: Tequila bar is not a good place for me.
Fact9: I love the girls I work with. I have become really close to them. I love going to work so we can share stories and I love going out with my co-workers.
Fact10: Work has sucked lately. WE have a new credit card system and I have been making a lot of mistakes...
Fact11: I love my truck. Gas prices made it hard for me to really enjoy my vehicle for a while but I do truly love that thing!
Fact12: Sonic's Ocean Water is summer in a big, Route 44 cup... Mmhmm.
Fact13: I HATE odd numbers.
Fact14: I need to get my nails redone. I look like I am on crack right now. Getting my nails done is the only thing I really take pride in when it comes to my appearance. That and my favorite, Amber, doing my hooves :)
Fact15: I LOVE Netflix. I have watched so many new, amazing things!
Fact16: I am glad that I have some amazing friends. They have been pretty amazing and there for me and unselfish through everything. It makes me feel quilty because the majority of them went through something hard and I distanced myself to give them space thinking that was what they need and now I see how wrong I was. Jessyka and Cassie, I am still to this day I am sorry for not truly being there.
Fact17: I'm a big fan of my family.
Fact18: I HATE that this dog is shedding so dern' bad! My house is disgustingly covered with white hair. Ugh.
Fact19: I love Irish accents. I love Sons of Anarchy.
Fact20: When people look me in the eye, I have a much deeper respect for them.
Fact21: I want to learn how to cook. I think I will...
Fact22: I have a love / hate relationship with my phone. I love the phone, I hate what I do when I have it in my posession.
Fact23: I have, hands down, the most COMFORTABLE bed. Ever. Truly.
Fact24: I am really excited about the future for me, education-wise. I hope I do get to go back to Sam and have an amazing experience there. I want to do all the things I didn't when I had the chance.
Fact25: I selfishly am upset when I see happy couples right now. I have a friend that just became engaged and my heart hurt. I am thrilled for her, even though we are not close, but it hurts.
Fact26: I hate pity parties.
Fact27: I HATE working ALL day Saturday's. But you do what you have to do...
Fact28: I have a lot more to say in my head when I'm not looking at the computer screen and keyboard. I, also, am a lot more creative when I'm not writing this out.
Fact2: Chris Young's "Tomorrow" is a FANTASTIC break up song.
Fact3: I am in fact single.
Fact4: Mother Nature and becoming single is a horrible combination.
Fact5: I started 'Lie To Me' last week and absolutely love that show. I have been reading body language like CRAZY lately. Pretty good at it, too.
Fact6: When I am sad or have a lot on my mind, I take a lot of really hot baths. I have taken at least an hour bath every night this week. Sunday was close to a two hour bath.
Fact7: I LOVE the movie 'Something Borrowed'. Love it. I have seen it three times in theaters!
Fact8: Tequila bar is not a good place for me.
Fact9: I love the girls I work with. I have become really close to them. I love going to work so we can share stories and I love going out with my co-workers.
Fact10: Work has sucked lately. WE have a new credit card system and I have been making a lot of mistakes...
Fact11: I love my truck. Gas prices made it hard for me to really enjoy my vehicle for a while but I do truly love that thing!
Fact12: Sonic's Ocean Water is summer in a big, Route 44 cup... Mmhmm.
Fact13: I HATE odd numbers.
Fact14: I need to get my nails redone. I look like I am on crack right now. Getting my nails done is the only thing I really take pride in when it comes to my appearance. That and my favorite, Amber, doing my hooves :)
Fact15: I LOVE Netflix. I have watched so many new, amazing things!
Fact16: I am glad that I have some amazing friends. They have been pretty amazing and there for me and unselfish through everything. It makes me feel quilty because the majority of them went through something hard and I distanced myself to give them space thinking that was what they need and now I see how wrong I was. Jessyka and Cassie, I am still to this day I am sorry for not truly being there.
Fact17: I'm a big fan of my family.
Fact18: I HATE that this dog is shedding so dern' bad! My house is disgustingly covered with white hair. Ugh.
Fact19: I love Irish accents. I love Sons of Anarchy.
Fact20: When people look me in the eye, I have a much deeper respect for them.
Fact21: I want to learn how to cook. I think I will...
Fact22: I have a love / hate relationship with my phone. I love the phone, I hate what I do when I have it in my posession.
Fact23: I have, hands down, the most COMFORTABLE bed. Ever. Truly.
Fact24: I am really excited about the future for me, education-wise. I hope I do get to go back to Sam and have an amazing experience there. I want to do all the things I didn't when I had the chance.
Fact25: I selfishly am upset when I see happy couples right now. I have a friend that just became engaged and my heart hurt. I am thrilled for her, even though we are not close, but it hurts.
Fact26: I hate pity parties.
Fact27: I HATE working ALL day Saturday's. But you do what you have to do...
Fact28: I have a lot more to say in my head when I'm not looking at the computer screen and keyboard. I, also, am a lot more creative when I'm not writing this out.
Tuesday, May 17
Oh and... Ten on Tuesday - Last Tuesday's
1. If you could watch only one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Tough. I would say probably Pretty Woman or The Young Victoria. I am such a movie person, that is HARD.
2. Let’s say someone wrote a screenplay about you; what actor/actress would you choose to play you and why?
Emma Stone. I love her. I've been told I look like her.
3. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in theaters?
Crazy but either Lion King, Star Wars, or Michael. All with different people... Lion King with the parents, Star Wars with my Papa, Michael with my Nana.
4. Did you ever make out at the back of a movie theater in middle school/high school?
No. Not only was I one of those obnoxious children that would go on Fridays just to get kicked out but I was horribly nerdy and was NOT a fan of public displays of nastiness.
5. Are you a Netflix-er, Blockbuster-er or a Redbox-er? (Or none of the above?)
I am a Netflixer. It has changed my life. A bit extreme?
6. Name one actor/actress who you would give anything to have a dinner date with.
John Krasinski, Will Farrell, Danny McBride, Reese Witherspoon.
7. What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen?
Hmm. Zoolander. I remember being physically angered that I sat through the whole thing with friends when I was younger.
8. Do you sneak snacks into the theater when you go?
I rarely go to the movies. It's too dern expensive. I used to, though.
9. Movie theater popcorn: love or hate it?
I love it but hate getting it...
10. What is the all-time best Disney movie in your opinion?
I LOVE Disney movies. I can't. I don't want to choose. I love them all.
Have a good week :)
Tough. I would say probably Pretty Woman or The Young Victoria. I am such a movie person, that is HARD.
2. Let’s say someone wrote a screenplay about you; what actor/actress would you choose to play you and why?
Emma Stone. I love her. I've been told I look like her.
3. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in theaters?
Crazy but either Lion King, Star Wars, or Michael. All with different people... Lion King with the parents, Star Wars with my Papa, Michael with my Nana.
4. Did you ever make out at the back of a movie theater in middle school/high school?
No. Not only was I one of those obnoxious children that would go on Fridays just to get kicked out but I was horribly nerdy and was NOT a fan of public displays of nastiness.
5. Are you a Netflix-er, Blockbuster-er or a Redbox-er? (Or none of the above?)
I am a Netflixer. It has changed my life. A bit extreme?
6. Name one actor/actress who you would give anything to have a dinner date with.
John Krasinski, Will Farrell, Danny McBride, Reese Witherspoon.
7. What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen?
Hmm. Zoolander. I remember being physically angered that I sat through the whole thing with friends when I was younger.
8. Do you sneak snacks into the theater when you go?
I rarely go to the movies. It's too dern expensive. I used to, though.
9. Movie theater popcorn: love or hate it?
I love it but hate getting it...
10. What is the all-time best Disney movie in your opinion?
I LOVE Disney movies. I can't. I don't want to choose. I love them all.
Have a good week :)
Thoughts...
As it always turns out, I always check this but am HORRIBLE to write something. I don't exactly know why because truly, I always have a blog in my head. Literally. I get ready for work in the afternoons and think of something and then blog it... In my head. But this evening, I get off work, head home, realize I want a drink... and some soup. I, then, head to Kroger, grab what I need, and headed home I have a blog happen. In my head. When I get to the house, I grab the laptop. Now we are here.
Ahem...
You know, in my life I have settled. A lot. I would rarely ever say anything when something was wrong (with myself, food orders, ugly statements, when people help me). I usually always, in the instance of food, would just eat the wrong thing from what I wanted. One time, I went to McDonalds to get a double cheeseburger and Dr Pepper with my last two dollars to my name and they gave me a Hot-N-Spicy Chicken... I cried. Instead of going back, I cried and settled. These days, I have learned to say something. I will ve extremely nice about it but I will correct someone on food, or tell someone when they hurt my feelings or make me mad. I am very proud of myself for finally being able to do that.
Lately, it has put me in between a rock and a hard spot. In the past few months I have felt that my relationship with my boyfriend of almost five years, Jeff, has been... A little rocky. At the beginning of the year we almost split because of some truly hateful things he said. I spoke up for myself. He apologized and we worked through it. Easter, we had a rough night; after a little communication things have been good. Last night, in our first real disagreement since then, I found myself not speaking up. In the back of my mind I told myself, 'Why? It's just going to make things worse..' I went home MAD last night. After a warm bath and a little Cassie-venting, I went ahead and told him what was on my mind, how I felt, and exactly how to make it better... As of today, nothing changed. I understand, certain things cannot change overnight, however, when it is something VERY simple and I flat-out tell you what will make it better for me, the next thing is not to wallow in self pity or beg for him to change; it's time to confront. It's time to stand up for yourself, not back down, and not settle.
I have really changed as a person over the last couple of years, in our relationship and with who I am. I have seen him change, too. Some of the change has been hard for both of us but we've for the most part adapted to our 'new selves'. I feel, though, I have not changed for the better. I think I have lost sight of who I am / was. True, I am not seventeen or eighteen years old anymore but throughout everything I'm not me. I used to LOVE spending time with my family. I used to LOVE spending time with friends. I used to LOVE having spontaneous moments. I, also, used to cry and cry over something Jeff said and never say anything, just let it roll off my back. I used to leave his house and listen Jason Aldean's song "I'm Just A Man" and make excuses for how Jeff was. I used to cry and cry when he would ignore me for weeks at a time when we were off at school in San Angelo and Abilene, call me up out of the blue, drive to Abilene, let him stay with me for the weekend (as in pick him up, bring him an hour to San Angelo), pay for our food all weekend, and then drive him back on Sunday nights. I used to let him ditch me for his friends all the time and never complain. Oh wait, one Valentine's Day I did complain. I used to listen to him tell me why I needed to drive home every weekend from Sam Houston because he couldn't drive up. Who's the stupid one? Don't get me wrong, I have had my faults. While, yes, I did put up with all of that, I, also, went through a period of time where I had ZERO money. Financially, my household was Struggling with a capital S. (We evertually lost our house...) He had to pay for me often, he had to put up with me constantly calling him worrying about him. He still does. He had to put up with me hanging out with people who were not very good friends for me. He had to put up with me going places by myself because he couldn't be bothered to go (out with friends, out to eat, out to a movie, etc).
Today, his biggest complaint in our relationship is that I nag him, I am never satisfied, and I don't have a "decent job"...
This blog is to not rip Jeffrey a new one. This blog is to not throw out my dirty laundry. This blog is to not admit to abuse (that I am not stupid enough to EVER put up with, I have a shotgun and a shovel). This is to let me blow off steam. I am not the same person anymore and I am going back to that, with him or without him. I love him more than words can say but while I used to be naive and think that would always be enough, it's not anymore. I make decent money, I have no true bills other than really just helping out, I have few friends, I have a decent self esteem, I have no true psychological issues, and I have a lot faith in myself. Letting myself be lonely and settle is not what I want for myself. This is me turning over a new leaf. This is me regaining who I was. This is me letting things both roll off my back but standing up for myself. This is me getting back to the carefree, non-whining, tomboy I used to be.
Love always,
Amanda :)
Ahem...
You know, in my life I have settled. A lot. I would rarely ever say anything when something was wrong (with myself, food orders, ugly statements, when people help me). I usually always, in the instance of food, would just eat the wrong thing from what I wanted. One time, I went to McDonalds to get a double cheeseburger and Dr Pepper with my last two dollars to my name and they gave me a Hot-N-Spicy Chicken... I cried. Instead of going back, I cried and settled. These days, I have learned to say something. I will ve extremely nice about it but I will correct someone on food, or tell someone when they hurt my feelings or make me mad. I am very proud of myself for finally being able to do that.
Lately, it has put me in between a rock and a hard spot. In the past few months I have felt that my relationship with my boyfriend of almost five years, Jeff, has been... A little rocky. At the beginning of the year we almost split because of some truly hateful things he said. I spoke up for myself. He apologized and we worked through it. Easter, we had a rough night; after a little communication things have been good. Last night, in our first real disagreement since then, I found myself not speaking up. In the back of my mind I told myself, 'Why? It's just going to make things worse..' I went home MAD last night. After a warm bath and a little Cassie-venting, I went ahead and told him what was on my mind, how I felt, and exactly how to make it better... As of today, nothing changed. I understand, certain things cannot change overnight, however, when it is something VERY simple and I flat-out tell you what will make it better for me, the next thing is not to wallow in self pity or beg for him to change; it's time to confront. It's time to stand up for yourself, not back down, and not settle.
I have really changed as a person over the last couple of years, in our relationship and with who I am. I have seen him change, too. Some of the change has been hard for both of us but we've for the most part adapted to our 'new selves'. I feel, though, I have not changed for the better. I think I have lost sight of who I am / was. True, I am not seventeen or eighteen years old anymore but throughout everything I'm not me. I used to LOVE spending time with my family. I used to LOVE spending time with friends. I used to LOVE having spontaneous moments. I, also, used to cry and cry over something Jeff said and never say anything, just let it roll off my back. I used to leave his house and listen Jason Aldean's song "I'm Just A Man" and make excuses for how Jeff was. I used to cry and cry when he would ignore me for weeks at a time when we were off at school in San Angelo and Abilene, call me up out of the blue, drive to Abilene, let him stay with me for the weekend (as in pick him up, bring him an hour to San Angelo), pay for our food all weekend, and then drive him back on Sunday nights. I used to let him ditch me for his friends all the time and never complain. Oh wait, one Valentine's Day I did complain. I used to listen to him tell me why I needed to drive home every weekend from Sam Houston because he couldn't drive up. Who's the stupid one? Don't get me wrong, I have had my faults. While, yes, I did put up with all of that, I, also, went through a period of time where I had ZERO money. Financially, my household was Struggling with a capital S. (We evertually lost our house...) He had to pay for me often, he had to put up with me constantly calling him worrying about him. He still does. He had to put up with me hanging out with people who were not very good friends for me. He had to put up with me going places by myself because he couldn't be bothered to go (out with friends, out to eat, out to a movie, etc).
Today, his biggest complaint in our relationship is that I nag him, I am never satisfied, and I don't have a "decent job"...
This blog is to not rip Jeffrey a new one. This blog is to not throw out my dirty laundry. This blog is to not admit to abuse (that I am not stupid enough to EVER put up with, I have a shotgun and a shovel). This is to let me blow off steam. I am not the same person anymore and I am going back to that, with him or without him. I love him more than words can say but while I used to be naive and think that would always be enough, it's not anymore. I make decent money, I have no true bills other than really just helping out, I have few friends, I have a decent self esteem, I have no true psychological issues, and I have a lot faith in myself. Letting myself be lonely and settle is not what I want for myself. This is me turning over a new leaf. This is me regaining who I was. This is me letting things both roll off my back but standing up for myself. This is me getting back to the carefree, non-whining, tomboy I used to be.
Love always,
Amanda :)
Wednesday, May 4
Ten on Tuesday... On Wednesday!
1. How many blogs do you read every day and what are they? (I’m talking the ones you NEVER miss)
I always check up on Jessyka's, my youth pastor from junior high - his wife, and a woman named Jen who is absolutely hilarious. I don't blog often enough for regulars.
2. How many “best friends” do you have? Do you have different “besties” for different areas of your life?
Well, the best friend is Jeffrey Ryan. We became friends our junior year of high school and got really close our senior year when we had about five classes together and football. Then we started dating; the rest is history. Then my oldest and friend through thick and thin has been Jessyka Lyndell. I love her. I look up to her SO much. Even when I was in junior high, I would sneak into her room and steal her clothes LOL. Now, we're best friends and practically sisters. I miss her and my niece often! Then, there would be my actual sister, Alicia Diane. Our relationship over the years has evolved and since she's gotten married and starting actually teaching and living her life away from the house, we're a lot closer. I love her, too. One of the best friends is, also, Garrett Dwain. He is a pain in my ass and someone I really love to pieces. He is really Jeff's best friend since, like, womb days but because he has been around for so long he has become a best friend to me. I depend on him for advice and he depends on me as a wingman (LOL). Last but not least is Cassie Nicole. We have the best time, we depend on each other and I love her to pieces. We had a rough patch over a miscommunication and lost touch. Since we've reconnected, we are SO funny together! Buy tickets and be prepared to laugh.
3. What’s your daily make up routine?
If I wear make up... I usually wear Cover Girl. I put on liquid base, then bronzer, then Maybelline mousse blush, got my eye lashes tinted so I don't have to wear mascara, then might put on eyeshadow. Voila!
4. What is your ideal girl’s night?
Margarita's with the best girls :)
5. Do you keep up with your nails/toenails or are they au natural?
I have fake nails. I, currently, have solar red powder for fire engine red nails :) Next refill will be French. Toes are done by my good friend, Amber. They have Strawberry Daquiri and glitter. They need a touch-up, too.
6. What’s your best roommate story (assuming you had a roommate at some point in your life)?
Oh. Lord. I LOVED living with Jessyka. SO many fun things. We were notorious for drive arounds. We did that often. It worked well that we were both spontaneous, loved massive Sonic Drinks, she cooked, and both LOVED the same movies. I think my favorite had to do with an instance when we were looking at something in my room and something was said and while no one was looking, "Let's Get It On" started playing LOL! HI-larious!
7. What’s your “go to” outfit that you wear more than anything else?
Jeans, flip flops, t-shirts. That is me. To a T.
8. Do you have a beauty secret?
BAHA. No. It's been rough working at a day spa. I just try to make sure I smell good at all times LOL. That is my biggest fear is someone thinking I smell... I don't know why.
9. Did you read Seventeen magazine growing up?
Ehh. Not really. When I was young it was Tiger Beat and TeenBop (I think?). When I started dating Jeff, I read Cosmopolitan often but then started to learn that it basically did nothing but tell girls what was wrong with them and how to make men fall for a girl that was really not being herself. Annoyed me too much.
10. How did you learn to put on makeup?
My aunts. One did my make up for Homecoming, then the other really showed me how to wear make up on a daily basis.
I always check up on Jessyka's, my youth pastor from junior high - his wife, and a woman named Jen who is absolutely hilarious. I don't blog often enough for regulars.
2. How many “best friends” do you have? Do you have different “besties” for different areas of your life?
Well, the best friend is Jeffrey Ryan. We became friends our junior year of high school and got really close our senior year when we had about five classes together and football. Then we started dating; the rest is history. Then my oldest and friend through thick and thin has been Jessyka Lyndell. I love her. I look up to her SO much. Even when I was in junior high, I would sneak into her room and steal her clothes LOL. Now, we're best friends and practically sisters. I miss her and my niece often! Then, there would be my actual sister, Alicia Diane. Our relationship over the years has evolved and since she's gotten married and starting actually teaching and living her life away from the house, we're a lot closer. I love her, too. One of the best friends is, also, Garrett Dwain. He is a pain in my ass and someone I really love to pieces. He is really Jeff's best friend since, like, womb days but because he has been around for so long he has become a best friend to me. I depend on him for advice and he depends on me as a wingman (LOL). Last but not least is Cassie Nicole. We have the best time, we depend on each other and I love her to pieces. We had a rough patch over a miscommunication and lost touch. Since we've reconnected, we are SO funny together! Buy tickets and be prepared to laugh.
3. What’s your daily make up routine?
If I wear make up... I usually wear Cover Girl. I put on liquid base, then bronzer, then Maybelline mousse blush, got my eye lashes tinted so I don't have to wear mascara, then might put on eyeshadow. Voila!
4. What is your ideal girl’s night?
Margarita's with the best girls :)
5. Do you keep up with your nails/toenails or are they au natural?
I have fake nails. I, currently, have solar red powder for fire engine red nails :) Next refill will be French. Toes are done by my good friend, Amber. They have Strawberry Daquiri and glitter. They need a touch-up, too.
6. What’s your best roommate story (assuming you had a roommate at some point in your life)?
Oh. Lord. I LOVED living with Jessyka. SO many fun things. We were notorious for drive arounds. We did that often. It worked well that we were both spontaneous, loved massive Sonic Drinks, she cooked, and both LOVED the same movies. I think my favorite had to do with an instance when we were looking at something in my room and something was said and while no one was looking, "Let's Get It On" started playing LOL! HI-larious!
7. What’s your “go to” outfit that you wear more than anything else?
Jeans, flip flops, t-shirts. That is me. To a T.
8. Do you have a beauty secret?
BAHA. No. It's been rough working at a day spa. I just try to make sure I smell good at all times LOL. That is my biggest fear is someone thinking I smell... I don't know why.
9. Did you read Seventeen magazine growing up?
Ehh. Not really. When I was young it was Tiger Beat and TeenBop (I think?). When I started dating Jeff, I read Cosmopolitan often but then started to learn that it basically did nothing but tell girls what was wrong with them and how to make men fall for a girl that was really not being herself. Annoyed me too much.
10. How did you learn to put on makeup?
My aunts. One did my make up for Homecoming, then the other really showed me how to wear make up on a daily basis.
Thursday, April 28
Life...
Well, I've started and stopped and started and stopped this dern blog too many times to count at thins point. I promise to try and keep this up and post life happenings. At random moments throughout the day (mostly in the shower or when I'm getting ready for the day)I will have a whole blog entry word for word in my head... I get a random thought and run with it! No random thoughts right this second but going to do something I should have done when I first started this...
Ahem...
This is me. My name is Amanda, I live in La Porte, Texas; I am twenty-two years old right now and live with my dad. My dad is my rock and my favorite person on the planet. I currently attend San Jac College trying to get my AA in Humanities and Social Sciences and, while it's taken me way too long to get there, I do have a plan. But I'll be sharing that soon. I am a southern girl and that can tell you a lot in general. I love country music and outdoors. I love summers at the river and winters inside. I love family and friends and have a lot of dreams and ambitions. This beautiful little girl is my boyfriend, Jeff's, niece. Speaking of Jeff...
This is Jeffrey Ryan. I love him more than I can say. He has lived in La Porte, Texas all of his life. I met him in high school and we started dating September 19th of our senior year of high school. He is currently going to school to get his electrical license and he has a big plan like I do... Coming later, remember. We've been through thick and thin and I'm anticipating the day we can get hitched!
Ok so here's the big life update. I have been working. A LOT. Plus, school. A LOT. I've been on a constant roller coaster lately. Jeff and I sat down to dinner recently and were discussing the big topic of future. We went through it all; school, jobs, careers, marriage, kids... The future. We both decided that our education is VERY important to us. He is going to go through his electrical license process and then get his associates degree and substitute! SO proud of him!! Then he'll be subbing, coaching, and electrical work! My decision was: Sam Houston. I loved it there. I tried to make myself unhappy so I would have reasons to come home and change my routine. However, life got in the way of my routine. Now my life is starting to head to where work is more important than school and I'm losing focus of what really should be important... Education. I'm hoping to transfer after Fall 2011 and start Spring 2012. Jeff and I decided marriage would come after we both got to that point in our lives. We're looking another two years down the road. I'm VERY excited. I have my moments of being horribly impatient but I have a bigger picture to look forward to and now a reason to light a fire!
Everything is looking great for me right now. Granted money is tight and there's a lot going on, but I think I'm finally starting to get into the motions of being a big girl and growing the heck up. It's been tough but I'm not getting any younger :)
Ahem...
This is me. My name is Amanda, I live in La Porte, Texas; I am twenty-two years old right now and live with my dad. My dad is my rock and my favorite person on the planet. I currently attend San Jac College trying to get my AA in Humanities and Social Sciences and, while it's taken me way too long to get there, I do have a plan. But I'll be sharing that soon. I am a southern girl and that can tell you a lot in general. I love country music and outdoors. I love summers at the river and winters inside. I love family and friends and have a lot of dreams and ambitions. This beautiful little girl is my boyfriend, Jeff's, niece. Speaking of Jeff...
This is Jeffrey Ryan. I love him more than I can say. He has lived in La Porte, Texas all of his life. I met him in high school and we started dating September 19th of our senior year of high school. He is currently going to school to get his electrical license and he has a big plan like I do... Coming later, remember. We've been through thick and thin and I'm anticipating the day we can get hitched!
Ok so here's the big life update. I have been working. A LOT. Plus, school. A LOT. I've been on a constant roller coaster lately. Jeff and I sat down to dinner recently and were discussing the big topic of future. We went through it all; school, jobs, careers, marriage, kids... The future. We both decided that our education is VERY important to us. He is going to go through his electrical license process and then get his associates degree and substitute! SO proud of him!! Then he'll be subbing, coaching, and electrical work! My decision was: Sam Houston. I loved it there. I tried to make myself unhappy so I would have reasons to come home and change my routine. However, life got in the way of my routine. Now my life is starting to head to where work is more important than school and I'm losing focus of what really should be important... Education. I'm hoping to transfer after Fall 2011 and start Spring 2012. Jeff and I decided marriage would come after we both got to that point in our lives. We're looking another two years down the road. I'm VERY excited. I have my moments of being horribly impatient but I have a bigger picture to look forward to and now a reason to light a fire!
Everything is looking great for me right now. Granted money is tight and there's a lot going on, but I think I'm finally starting to get into the motions of being a big girl and growing the heck up. It's been tough but I'm not getting any younger :)
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