I Have Something To Say

Ahem:

I have always been the same person. I'm generally always late. I don't wash my hair everyday. I don't always say how I feel. I am not rude or hateful. I always try to make people laugh. I am stubborn. I don't like confrontation and never have. I don't like to be yelled at because if you tell me once to do something, I'll do it. I respect authority, I don't question it unless I HAVE to. I like to be liked. I don't like to lie, I have a VERY guilty conscious and will eventually tell the truth whether it gets me in trouble or not. I'm spontaneous. I try my best. Most times I work very, very hard (I say most because there are always days when the desire to work or be at work is just not there). I like to drink but not too much. I like to be the sober driver because I like making sure my life is handled by me, not in the hands of someone else. I try to depend on myself whenever I can because people are NOT reliable. I am reliable. I will be the bad guy as long as it means I'm honest. I give credit where credit is due.

All of this said, people that have known me for a long time don't need to question "the person I have become". I have not changed. I have become a little less patient with people as a population but not to the people I work closely with, the people I love, or the people I respect. This I believe is my only change in life. I still like to be liked. I still am all of these things I have listed above. I have changed my ambitions but what PERSON doesn't? Some people have always known what they want to be; most people don', and I am one of those people.

My patience is starting to wear thin with a lot of things and people I surround myself with. I am a generally happy person. Lately, you would never know. I am the type of person that will at the drop of a hat cover someone else's butt and throw mine to the wolves. I will but myself in front of a jury if I put you there, too. I don't make excuses, I don't believe in them. They're like assholes - we all have them and they all stink.

Don't beat around the bush with me. Don't lie to me to spare my feelings. Don't be indirect with me - if you want to say something, say it. I don't stand for crappy behavior in people (thanks, Lonesome Dove, for my modified quote).

I love my life. I don't think I am a bad person. I just want to be totally happy, totally financially stable, totally independent, totally in charge of me and my own. I have finally gotten to a breaking point and am frustrated I let somethings turn out the way they have.

The good news with all of this is that I have finally found what I want. I have finally discovered what will make me happy. While sometimes I lack discipline with school, I have found what it will take from me to get on track and succeed. I have found a direction to where I want to go and a back up plan I am determined to reach at some point in my life, either way. I have found the man I want to marry. I have direction. I have an ideal life. I'm going to get there!


I said good day :)